Staying Emotionally Connected

”Whatever Jesus lays his hands upon lives. If Jesus lays his hands upon a marriage, it lives. If he is allowed to lay his hands on the family, it lives.” 

President Howard W. Hunter

Goddard discussed how having faith in Jesus Christ will bless our marriage. He stated,” When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities. We should put God ahead of everyone else in our lives.” Sometimes I know I can forget God in my marriage. I’m so busy thinking of my spouse and children and their needs and trying to get things done that I forget to turn to Christ. By simply turning to Christ and putting him first, I could make my life and my families life so much easier and better. It is easy to get caught up in the world and all its demands. Goddard also said,” Satan’s best hope is to keep us from looking up. He must keep us fully absorbed with the trivial, fretting over our inconveniences and stewing over our grievances.” How true that is! When we get so caught up in the things around us we forget to turn to Christ and we play into Satan’s plan. Sometimes I can knit pick over little things or get annoyed with my spouse. I focus on the trivial things instead of the eternal things. When we focus on the eternal things and see things with an eternal aspect, we see things for what they truly are and focus on other instead of ourselves. We also have a softer heart and open mind as we try to better ourselves instead of our spouses. When I focus on Christ and have faith in him, I am full of more love and understanding with my spouse. I try harder to speak softly and forgive more. President Howard W. Hunter was quoted,”Whatever Jesus lays his hands upon lives. If Jesus lays his hands upon a marriage, it lives. If he is allowed to lay his hands on the family, it lives.” I love this quote and it has become a new favorite when thinking of my marriage and the importance of Christ.

Cherishing Your Spouse

"There are few greater gifts a couple can give each other than the joy that comes from feeling known and understood.” 

Gottman

Gottman has what he calls love maps. I think sometimes we can get caught up in our own lives, as we are apart for most of the day. I’m home doing things with our kids and he is at work, we both have online classes and callings as well. Sometimes it seems we are always so busy and don’t have very much time to relax and spend time with just each other. But even with us being so busy, we are able to relate to one another, know each other’s needs and stay relevant with one another. As Gottman said, because we have detailed love maps we are able to cope with stress and conflict.  He also said, “There are few greater gifts a couple can give each other than the joy that comes from feeling known and understood.” I love that and think it is so true! That is one of the best things about having a spouse, having someone who truly knows you and understands your feelings and needs. Having someone like that provides comfort and happiness even when things aren’t going well. I also liked that he talked about the importance of admiring and cherishing our spouse. As I read this chapter I was able to think back to all the fond memories I have had with my spouse. All the good memories really do bring back such strong feelings of happiness and love. The good memories shut out all the negative feelings. I have had many times where my husband has annoyed me or made me angry. There are times when I have been frustrated with our marriage. But when I have sat back and looked back at our past, I get those happy feelings again and the negative ones disappear quickly. I liked the activities each chapter provided and thought they were fun to do. It was fun to review how well we really know each other and they also brought up so many fun memories. These activities would be fun to go back and do every so often with my spouse as we get older and experience new things to add to our lists.

Behaviors that Negatively Affect Marriage

”Jesus’ infinite grace and goodness can conquer our smallness, selfishness, and peevishness. There is no arena of life where this conquest is more needed than in the scuffing of marriage.”

Goddard

We are extremely blessed to have the Gospel in our lives to help us through this life. Especially when it comes to marriage. Goddard stated, “I believe that the key to a healthy relationship is being a healthy, saintly, God-seeking person-to be born again- to be a new creature in Christ. When we are more godly, fewer things bother us. And when we run into problems, we are more likely to process them in helpful ways. I love this statement. When we are more Christ-like it will especially bless our marriages. Marriage can be really hard, exhausting and frustrating. I can easily see how marriages can fall apart quickly. But when we bring the gospel into our marriage we can over come the difficulties. When we are charitable, humble and gracious we can renew our bound with our spouse, forgive and love more easily. Mistakes we tend to make in marriage can include ignoring our spouses struggles, gratifying our pride, being concerned about being right, or being absorbed in our own problems. I thought of all the times I have done these things myself! How lucky we are to have the Atonement and Christ’s example in our lives so that we can be better! That we can bring that love and that forgiveness into our marriages is wonderful. Goddard also stated,” Jesus’ infinite grace and goodness can conquer our smallness, selfishness, and peevishness. There is no arena of life where this conquest is more needed than in the scuffing of marriage.”

Eternal Marriage

“Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent.”

Bruce C. Hafen

 In many marriages each spouse gives their half, splits things or sometimes say things like, my money, my car, my time. It seems like there is a mindset of 50/50. The world thinks that 50/50 is how a marriage is supposed to be to make things work, which makes sense. But we forget that 100/100 is really how it should be. I am 100 percent my husbands and he is 100 mine. We share everything 100 percent whether physical items or not. I give him 100 percent of my feelings, whatever time we spend is our time and we decide how to use it, we share our money and belongings. We give everything and all that we are and have to each other with no reservations. That sounds so cheesy but that’s how it is!

I also liked what Parley P. Pratt said about the blessings of doctrinal ideal marriage. He said, “I had loved before, but I knew not why. But now I loved—with a pureness—an intensity of elevated, exalted feeling, which would lift my soul from the transitory things of this groveling sphere and expand it as the ocean. … In short, I could now love with the spirit and with the understanding also.” Eternal marriage definitely takes our marriage to another, complete level as we see the bigger picture and importance of marriage. To me knowing the eternal perspective of marriage, makes me want to work on marriage that much harder. I remember how sacred it is when times are hard. Marriage is not something to only get us through this life. It lasts through time and eternity. Knowing that also made me choose my spouse carefully. Marriage was something I took seriously and knew I wanted it to last with someone who felt the same way as I did about marriage. In my own marriage I have felt the same things Parley P. Pratt described.

Threats to Marriage

"Will you be ashamed of the gospel? Will you be ashamed of the Lord and His plan? Will you yield to the voices of those who would have you join them on the popular side of contemporary history?"

Russel M. Nelson

Same sex marriage can be such a sensitive topic. It can be hard to stand up for traditional marriage without sounding discriminating or hateful. The reasons supporting same sex marriage make sense, they sound nice and we all want to everyone to be happy and have equal rights. So being against same marriage can make you feel like you are mean or hateful because all of that makes sense. But I love the reasoning behind traditional marriage. I liked this statement from the Supreme Court reading, “The real question in these cases is what constitutes marriage-or more precisely- who decides what constitutes marriage.” They go on to say, “When the fixed rules which govern the rules of interpretation of law are abandoned and the theoretical of individuals are allowed to control the constitution’s meaning ‘we have no longer a constitution; we are under the government of individual men, who for the time being have power to declare what the constitution is according to their own views of what it ought to mean.” I think this is great reminder that there is a bigger picture to the debate. And also relates to Russell M. Nelson’s talk that we cannot change God’s law. He says that human judges did not create marriage, nor did bloggers, or popular vote. God created marriage. I think this is important to remember. That God did indeed create marriage. The God who knows all and has an infinite plan for us created marriage to be between man and woman. This not an idea he randomly threw together It had purpose and importance. From marriages between man and woman, children and families are created.  By no other way can they be created. Defending traditional marriage can be hard. But it was stated that it is not expected to be easy or comfortable to be a witness of God. But the time has come that we can no longer be quiet or ashamed of what we believe. It can be very hard and intimidating but God alone will be our judge and not the world. These were great readings to remind us of the bigger picture involved and what really matters.